Here’s something I wish someone had told me years ago: trying to get healthy in secret is like trying to quit smoking while your spouse leaves cigarettes on the kitchen counter.
It’s not impossible, but you’re making it about 100 times harder than it needs to be.
When I finally got serious about losing those 60 pounds at 57, the game-changer wasn’t a new diet or exercise plan.
It was getting my wife and family on board with what I was trying to accomplish.
The Hidden Sabotage in Your Own Home
Picture this: you’ve committed to eating healthier. You’re motivated, you’ve got a plan, you’re ready to change your life.
Then your spouse comes home with a bag of your favorite cookies “because they were on sale.”
Or your best friend suggests meeting at the all-you-can-eat buffet “like we always do.”
They’re not trying to sabotage you - they just don’t understand what you’re up against.
The Conversation That Changes Everything
Here’s what I did that made all the difference: I sat down with my wife and had a real conversation.
Not just “I’m going to start eating better” but:
• “Here’s exactly what I’m trying to accomplish and why it matters to me” • “Here are the specific foods that are going to trip me up if they’re in the house” • “Here’s how you can help me succeed” • “Here’s what I need from you when I’m struggling”
That conversation turned her from an accidental saboteur into my biggest supporter.
If You’re Married or Living with Someone
Your household needs to become your support system, not your obstacle course.
Have the honest conversation:
“I’m serious about getting healthy this time. I know I’ve tried before, but this feels different. Here’s what I’m going to do, and here’s how you can help me succeed.”
Be specific about what you need: • “Can we keep the ice cream out of the house for a while?” • “Would you be willing to try some of these healthier recipes with me?” • “When I’m tempted to order pizza, can you remind me of my goals instead of just going along with it?”
And here’s the beautiful part: they might want to join you.
My wife didn’t need to lose weight, but she started eating healthier and walking with me because she saw how important it was to me.
If You Live Alone
Your friends and family are still your accountability team - you just have to be more intentional about it.
Pick 2-3 people who care about you and have that same honest conversation:
“I’m making some big changes to get healthier. I’m going to need your support. Can I count on you?”
Ask them to: • Check in with you weekly about how it’s going • Suggest restaurants with healthy options when you go out • Be understanding if you can’t do every social event that revolves around food • Celebrate your wins with you (non-food celebrations!)
The Friend Test
Here’s how you know who your real friends are: tell them about your health goals and watch their reaction.
Good friends say: “That’s awesome! How can I help?”
Not-so-good friends say: “Oh come on, live a little” or “You’re fine the way you are.”
The people who truly care about you want you to succeed, even if it means some changes to your usual routine.
Making It Public (The Power Move)
The most powerful accountability? Going public with your commitment.
Post on Facebook: “I’m committing to getting healthy. I’ll be sharing my progress and could use your encouragement.”
Tell your coworkers: “I’m making some changes to get healthier. Don’t let me eat donuts in the break room anymore.”
When you make it public, backing out becomes much harder.
What to Ask Your Support Team For
Be specific about the help you need:
“Please help me by:” • Not offering me foods that aren’t part of my plan • Suggesting active things we can do together instead of always meeting for meals • Checking in on my progress and celebrating my wins • Reminding me of my goals when I’m struggling • Being patient if I have to change some of our usual routines
The Age Factor
After 50, social support becomes even more critical because:
• We have more established social patterns around food • Our friends and family are used to us being a certain way • We need extra encouragement because we’ve “failed” before • We’re often dealing with more health issues that make change feel scarier
Your support team becomes your safety net when motivation fails.
Starting the Conversation This Week
Pick the most important person in your life and have this conversation:
“I’m ready to make some real changes to my health. I’ve tried before, but this time I want to do it right. Can we talk about how you can help me succeed?”
Be honest about: • What you’re trying to accomplish • What has tripped you up before • What specific support you need • How important this is to you
Remember: the people who love you want you to succeed. But they can’t help if they don’t know what you need.
Stop trying to do this alone. Your health journey should bring you closer to the people you care about, not isolate you from them.
Who are you going to talk to first?
0 Comments